"Saving Sex"
TEENS ages 14-18. Sex is the highest expression of love and one of the most powerful forces in the universe.
PARENT Prep
Take a moment to prepare yourself before sitting down together with your child:
PARENT NOTE: This lesson includes a lot of activities, mini lessons and application. Feel free to spend an evening together on the entire lesson or spread it out into several mini conversations throughout the month. Remember- every child develops differently- you know your child. Feel free to use the Youth lesson "Purity Pursuit" for those younger at heart. And to get the best understanding of where your child is at- listen to them and ask questions- free of judgement and full of love & support.
PURPOSE: To help my teen understand the value and power of sexual love that is worth waiting for.
THINK. FEEL. DO. My teen will understand the value of their love, feel a desire to preserve it for their true love and commit to saving their sexual purity for marriage.
INTRODUCE The Topic
INSPIRATION
Read the scriptures together and share about what it means to you:
“You are pure water. Pure water can not become muddy water. To prevent your becoming dirty water, you must keep flowing. By ‘flowing’ I mean ‘keep developing.’” -Hak Ja Han Moon
“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” -Genesis 2:24-25
“What is a true husband? A true husband is one who says to his wife “I was born for your sake and so I will live for you and die for you. The same applies to a true wife. If a husband and wife are responsive to each other, rise above their self-interest, and live for the sake of each other, their family will surely become an ideal family- a loving, happy and peaceful family.” - Rev. Sun Myung Moon
“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” -1 Corinthians 6:18-20
“Sexual purity is essential to protect the children’s realm of heart. Guarding one’s virginity evidences good character and the highest self-esteem. Such a person feels no need to lower herself to follow the crowd, or to seek sexual experience for self-gratification or to fill an emotional void. She knows that immature, self-gratifying sex would corrupt her spirit and rob her of her chance for true love. Assured of her purpose in life, she is willing to wait and guard her sexuality for expression only in the context of the absolute commitment of marriage.” -Joong Hyun Pak and Andrew Wilson, True Family Values
OBJECT LESSON
Attention Grabber with a real life object choose 1:
Mjolner- Show an image of Mjolner. This is the mighty hammer Thor is given by his Father. When given the hammer, he is told that this is the tool for a king. With a hammer, you can build a world or destroy it. The same can be said about our love and sexuality. It is powerful and can build us and others up or bring us great harm.
INTRODUCTION
Sexual intercourse is the highest expression of love and one of the most powerful forces in the universe. It is like Mjolner--it can not only build a world it can also destroy it.
LEARN & SHARE Together
This is the main chunk of the lesson including the learning moment, journaling and discussing. It is recommended to do it all together at one time but can also be done separately.
BREAK THE ICE:
Leading off with a visual, popular reference
Read Quote from Extratv interviewing Justin Bieber:
“Bieber, who admitted he had "a legitimate problem with sex," practiced celibacy for a year before marrying Baldwin, due to religious reasons. The 24-year-old explained that God "doesn’t ask us not to have sex for Him because He wants rules and stuff. He’s like, 'I’m trying to protect you from hurt and pain.' I think sex can cause a lot of pain."
“Sometimes people have sex because they don’t feel good enough,” Bieber continued. “Because they lack self-worth. Women do that, and guys do that. I wanted to rededicate myself to God in that way because I really felt it was better for the condition of my soul… Once Bieber reconnected with his faith, he said, he made positive changes to his lifestyle. He noted, “You get rewarded for good behavior,” adding, “God blessed me with Hailey.”
*LEARNING MOMENT*
Blog to read together
You are so beautiful and wonderfully made. I want the best life for you. I want you to be healthy, successful, I want you to feel as valuable to yourself as you are to me. I want you to be filled with love and have amazing relationships.
God wants to give you the world, to make all your dreams come true, and then He wants to give you more. God’s greatest joy is to see you filled with joy. God wants you to have a great blessed marriage and create wonderful kids. God wants you to have all that life has to offer--and that is beyond your wildest dreams.
God doesn’t just have hopes and dreams for you, God has a PLAN.
God gave us the three great blessings as outlined in Genesis 1:28. This is the path to happiness.
The three blessings are to lead a joy-filled life centered on God that leads to individual perfection, to build healthy relationships, to find your eternal partner, and then to find a way to contribute to making the world better.
In the midst of your growing, there will be times that your short term desires may be in conflict with your true hopes for the future. You may want to start relationships with the opposite sex right away, to go out on dates and, even with no intention to do so, to find yourself on a freight train to sex.
You might be thinking that it’s going to feel so great, that it’s not a big deal.
You might make the excuse that others are doing it and you don’t want to miss out.
You might think that it will make you a real man or real woman.
However, sex IS a big deal. A decision that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Sex was created by God for your enjoyment in a blessed marriage. Imagine how great it will feel when you and your spouse have waited for each other for that special moment and you come together in love and pleasure without any guilt, shame or baggage. You can truly enjoy sex in the way God intended. And to become that real man or woman you strive to be- the period of waiting in singleness is an important time to prepare and develop yourself.
The very act of waiting for sex is an important component to growing your character. It takes strength, resolve, commitment, faith, hope and love. These all are valuable assets on which you build your future. Being able to own your desires, your feelings, your emotions is important to being a person of character. Mastering yourself is the key to success in many areas of your life. If you can decide how to respond to your feelings, then your feelings don’t control you.
Imagine a person that every time they feel that someone wronged them responds with an angry outburst. With small children this is understandable, but an adult who throws tantrums, an adult who cannot control their emotions, is not healthy, and everyone knows it and will keep a distance from you. It is normal to feel anger, but how we respond is reflective of our maturity.
The same is true with our sexual desires. It is perfectly normal to have desires. How we RESPOND to those desires is going to determine our success in building relationships that are essential to our true happiness and success in life. If we act on every impulse, we are setting ourselves up to make mistakes, do and say stupid things, and hurt the hearts of others. We may find ourselves in compromising situations we could otherwise avoid. Taking ownership of our desires is a way of taking ownership of our lives.
Sex is something that binds us to another person. Spiritually, it is like tethering two souls together. It might seem like it’s just a physical thing but sex is something that is beyond any other physical activity. When we are not ready to care for the needs of our sexual partner, sex can be damaging to our hearts and souls--and to theirs even more. We may not think much of it at the time, but sex is designed to send a message of deepest love for another. If we cannot back that message up with a lifetime of fully committed care, concern and emotional support for the other and for the possible outcome of the relationship--that is, a new human being, we are not ready to have sex.
When we choose to commit to a relationship with another person, we are choosing to care for their whole self. When we are still growing our own heart, mind and body, we are in no position to take on another person's needs. By engaging in a relationship too early, we are setting ourselves and others up for hurt.
None of us wants to hurt another. We want to live lives that build up others. We want to support people. We learn to support people by starting small and learning as we go from our parents, teachers and older siblings, until we get to the point that we can support our one and only special eternal person completely.
Take this time of youth to grow yourself. Understand your own heart. Understand your relationship with God. Take time to care for your body, learn self-disciplines both spiritual and physical, and work hard in school. When these things are developed you have the foundation to take care of another.
Remember that sex is the ultimate gift that you can give to your future spouse. Sex is the ultimate gift that they have saved for you. Take time to think about what sex means to you. Take time to think about the love you want in the future. If this is important to you, strive to keep yourself sexually pure and prepare your heart for your future spouse. Become the man or woman of True Love that you and they deserve.
Remember that YOU are the greatest gift that someone is waiting for. Growing yourself now will prepare you to have a healthy relationship in the future.
Don’t worry about what others are doing. Instead, keep your mind on your value and the value of the person waiting for you.
JOURNAL:
Take a moment to have your teen write down their reaction to the lesson experience so far. Remind your child that their journal is between them and God. Here are some prompt ideas:
Creative Writing Prompts: Choose 1 or more
Draw yourself and answer: Why am I worth waiting for? What is my value?
What areas of my life can I develop to be the best partner in the future?
How will it feel to know that my partner is giving me all of their heart, mind, body and soul?
Draw the beautiful world that God wants to give to you.
Draw Thor’s Hammer. Write in some of the ways that the hammer of love can build you and others up or destroy you and others.
Write a letter to your future spouse.
Draw or write what the 3 great blessings mean to you.
DISCUSSION:
Discuss your teen’s journal writing they’re open to sharing about or use the following questions as a guide, incorporating your own personal experiences:
Questions for Parents: Reflect on these questions and share your heart with your child.
What do you believe is God’s dream for your son or daughter?
What are your teen’s top 3 qualities that you know their future spouse will appreciate?
What are some ways you prepared yourself when you were single, as you waited for your spouse?
How can I support you in your journey of maintaining purity and pursuing growth?
Questions for your Youth: LISTEN to your child and love them first- no matter what they may share that may surprise you. Always listen, love, appreciate, honor and then respond with support and prayer.
How are you feeling? What stood out to you in this experience today?
Do you think about your future marriage? What does it look like?
How does it make you feel that someone is preparing themselves for you? What do you hope that your future spouse will bring to the table?
What do you want to offer your future partner? Why are you worth waiting for?
What challenges/obstacles are you currently facing on your journey of life?
What questions do you have about sex?
How do you hope your first night together will be? What do you think it will be like? How do you want to prepare for it?
APPLY & Grow
Choose some activities to do together throughout the month to apply today’s lesson and continue learning and growing! Click on the blue links!
MUSIC VIDEO:
K-Ci & JoJo - All My Life by KCiandJoJoVEVO
BOOKS:
I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris
Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris
EXPERIENCES:
RECIPES- Cook a family recipe together or create a new one.
NATURE WALK: Take a walk together in nature. Share about your teenage years, share about your relationship as a couple, how it started, awkward moments and learning together.
OUTING- Parents + child field trip. Spend extra quality time together to continue building your bond. Go somewhere you don't go often or have always wanted to visit.
PRAYER:
Prayer Rock: Choose a special rock, paint it or write on it and carry it in your pocket or put it in a special place like where you get ready in the morning, or on a prayer altar, to remind you of your pledge to purity. Hold the rock when praying.
PRAYER POINTS:
Pray for strength to master yourself.
Pray for the patience to wait for the right person.
Pray that you can be the best partner for your future spouse.
Pray for that someone who is preparing themselves for you.
